rush, rush, rush...

So I'm limited on time to blog. (Did you pick up that this one also started with another so?) I have the rare opportunity to blog my hubby and son come home. He offered to pick him up since I had to run an errand. So now t hat I'm rushing there are far more spelling and grammar mistakes and no time to correct them but now... on to business. So the other night I banged out a chapter. I was totally in the zone a luxury I rarely have. I don't usually have the time to sit down, reread what I've done recently so I can get into the "zone" but I did and it just flowed it was great. It barely seemed to take any effort at all and that is what I imagined writing to be like. I even read through today to do some editing and very little was needed I felt. But I do feel that my writing is very amateur and raw. I read and article today that Stephenie Meyer is working on two new books and finishing up the Host trilogy. Well I absolutely loved the host and I really love Stephenie but then all the pride I felt the other night after finishing a chapter was completely stomped on when I started thinking too far ahead. I want to be a writer like that. I want to band out 2 or 3 chapters a day and have it be effortless. Just my hands and mind being the interpreters for my imagination. But I still feel so dumb for lack of a better word or uneducated. I'll have to stop my train of thought because sometimes I can't form the right sentence or I can't get the words in the right order. I'm having a hard time projecting the feeling in my head into words I can put on paper. Now, I know that this will not happen over night. I know this. The hard part is reminding myself and believing it. It's like any skill, drawing, piano, base ball ~ practice makes perfect. So with out trying to burn myself out I take every opportunity to try to better my vocabulary. Word exercises. I mean that's the whole point of this blog. And then I feel guilty. Guilty that I should be spending more time with my son instead of pursuing selfish interests but then I try to justify that I need something for myself and I already spend a lot of time with my son. But can you ever really spend too much time with your child??? It's a battle. Then I look at my story. I feel inspired by other stories but is it too similar to anything in particular. what if it becomes a best seller then it's picked apart and I'm called a plagiarist? what if the story's not good at all and I'm the only one interested only because it's my break from reality? I have one person in mind that I would want to critique it. My husband is the only one who knows about it right now but to be honest I don't think he'd be the best judge. He's not into and kind of love story. But my friends has one pace for everything ~ slow. And is easily distracted ~ "squirrel!". So I don't know what to do. I don't know any legitimate writers other than the one and only one I'm friends w/ on face-book. I dunno, I guess I'm just doubting myself a lot right now. I guess I can say one good thing: I typed out this entire blog before going back and correcting any spelling errors. Progress!